Simile (n.) e.g.: "Dead as a doornail."

A tragic incident involving spark plugs and a Phillips head screwdriver claimed the life of one Chamois Summer (Holschuh) Green this past week. Having never been one destined for mechanical greatness, the native Vermonter met her demise while attempting a routine repair on her Honda Civic so endearingly dubbed Bert. Friends and relatives bemoan the untimely death of the twenty-one year old English student. “She should’ve stuck to her books,” lamented a distraught neighbor who witnessed the entire unfortunate mishap.

Chamois leaves behind a dumbstruck husband. When approached for questioning, Mr. Green scratched his head and muttered, “Damn female drivers.” She also leaves behind a massive collection of indecipherable notes, sketches, and what appear to be book chapters which will be donated to a local museum as kindling for the remaining winter months.

“She was so promising,” a close family member who wishes to abstain from admitting relation by revealing their name said, “On the…cusp…of something…great?” Chamois Green had been working on a lengthy novel at the time. The pages of which will sadly never see the light of day (nor the fluorescents of a publisher's office for that matter). A series of primitive paintings were also found among the deceased’s possessions. These will be donated to a children’s charity auction. A service will be held on Saturday at Harriman Reservoir.

>>This has been a participating post of Let's Blog Off, a biweekly event in which numerous bloggers write on a directed topic. This week's prompt: "Write your own obituary!" To read others' posts, see the table below (will automatically update throughout the day as entries are posted).

(video is related to post only in the coincidence of title)

"The Funeral" by Band of Horses

(I'm not really dead.)
Cheers!